{WRITING IS A GIFT} i am a pencil

September wrap up

A few days ago, I realized one of the coolest things—I’ve been saying I want to write a book for ten years now. Ten years. I don’t know what was going on in my six-year-old mind, but I vividly remember announcing “I want to write a book one day,” and ended up dictating a ten page story to my mom and stapling it together. (dubbed “The Hotel That Burned Down”—it was rather tragic, actually xD)

 

I haven’t been saying that constantly since I was six, of course. I wanted to be a zoologist, a dancer, a show jumper, an ice skater, and a million other things, but something in me kept saying all that time “I want to write a book.”

 

I’ve done that, I guess. I’ve “written a book.” I’ve written over a dozen first drafts and second drafts and even printed out nine of them. Especially in this past year of blogging, I’ve written more than ever before and learned a billion things about writing. I’ve fallen in love with it all over again. It’s my art, it’s my craft, it’s my way of communicating, my way of thinking, it’s my way of expressing and relaxing and working and breathing all at once. But it is only in this past month that I’ve realized what it truly is.

 

A gift.

 

I don’t mean it’s a talent. I mean that the ability to put words on paper and create things out of them, to have the creativity and time to do that is a gift.

 

 

I’ve gotten stuck and succeeded in areas of my writing too many times to count. It’s always up and down, up and down, and no matter how prepared I think I am, I never am. No matter how much I think I’ve “got it,” I really haven’t, and when I think I don’t have it, I really do. I can’t predict it. I can’t predict the days when my fingers are on fire with my passion or the days when writing two sentences takes ten minutes. I can grind out words and force myself to make up ideas and make them work, but I can’t force them to turn out well and truly have any power in them. It’s worthless. I’m not in control.

 

I used to be scared of that (still kinda am). I was frustrated that my words never worked when I wanted them to work. It was hit or miss and I couldn’t find a method to make it always a hit. I felt so helpless.

 

Why isn’t this working, God? I would ask. I’ve worked hard to learn this craft, am still working hard, but nothing seems to ever work. Why? Why can’t I do anything about this?

 

It would have been wonderful had I just heard God’s voice right then with an answer. But God works in beautiful ways, and it wasn’t until later that I rediscovered one of my all-time favorite quotes:

 

“I am a pencil in the hand of God.” – St. Teresa of Calcutta.

 

writing is a gift

A pencil. Pick one up right now. Pretty small. Insignificant. When you write with it, the pencil is literally doing nothing but complying to your direction, though it might need sharpening from time to time and probably writes a tad bit differently than another pencil.

 

Now a pencil in the hand of God…that would be the same. A helpless, submissive pencil in the hand of an Almighty God, under His direction and command.

 

Isn’t that what we are as writers? We are literally His pencils, literally writing for Him. He is in control. Isn’t that beautiful?

 

Truly, that is the gift of writing. He is the key of our inspiration—He is our inspiration. We await His command, His direction to put our own pencils to paper so that He might use us. And it is not up to us how fast or slow or powerful the words come; it is up to Him. It is for us to obey with love to the best of our abilities, and for Him to do the rest.

 

I’ve always wondered “what if my words aren’t enough?” But can they ever not be enough if I write as well as I can with a firm trust in my Lord to infuse what He wishes into them? And even if that be a little or not at all, if it is His will, have I not accomplished my duty as a pencil in His hand?

 

And if I were to publish a novel that I think no one reads, who am I to judge that when the Lord could be using it in a way I am not aware of? Do I need to see the success of my work if He merely tells me to plant the seed and move on? That He will tend it and see that it is used how He wishes? Are we not just servants of Him, our joy in doing His command, not in accomplishing our success? For who can take away that joy, that gift that comes in serving our Master through the words He gives us?

 

That is the ideal, of course; it is not easy. But for the first time in a several years of writing I feel at peace to write the ideas He blesses me with and be thankful for them, keep moving forward steadily, and trust that when the time comes, He will guide me toward the means of sending my little scribblings out into the world to do Him glory.

 

<3

audrey caylin

 

(P.S. I apologize for spamming your feeds earlier this week. I finally fixed my RSS and Bloglovin’ problems, so that shouldn’t be happening again 🙂 )

 

 

That was a bit more of a journal-y post than I expected 😛 How long have you been writing? What is writing to you? Let’s talk all that deep stuff, friends <3

 

 

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25 Comments

  • Reply
    Lila Kims
    October 14, 2017 at 4:37 am

    Oh, Audrey, this is just the reminder I needed. Thank you so much!!!! <3

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      Thank you, Lila <3 I'm glad it was helpful to you :)

  • Reply
    Anna C. S.
    October 14, 2017 at 7:17 am

    Wow the pencil analogy is SO powerful, thank you so much for the reminder it was much needed <3

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      Eeep thank you, Anna <3 I can't take full credit for the pencil analogy, but I'm glad you enjoyed!

  • Reply
    rileyalinewrites
    October 14, 2017 at 9:58 am

    Yessssss!!! It is so amazing to think about the fact that it is a gift, and we are pencils in the hand of God. Writing is something I want to glorify God with, and hope to continue glorifying Him with. But I love how you said that, even if we don’t see it happen, He can use the seed we planted. That’s what we were supposed to do, was plant a seed. Lovely post!!

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:05 pm

      I’m glad you’re able to relate! I’ve really been struggling with this lately because what if nothing happens with the words we write? Then I read that post I linked to and it just…hit. That success in this world really doesn’t matter as long as we’re doing His will.

      Just imagine: anything we’ve written could be affecting someone in ways we don’t even know right now!

  • Reply
    Ivie Brooks @Ivie Writes
    October 14, 2017 at 11:01 am

    This is the beautiful stuff more writers need to talk about. This is magnificent!! Your words were so beautiful ad truthful. You’ve spoken to my heart. You hit me in the feels. XD
    I’m glad you were able to fix all the technical stuff. 😀 Sometimes, all the technical things seem to only serve to bring us headaches. XD

    You have inspired a post for me. Thank you!
    God bless you!

    ~Ivie
    iviewrites.blogspot.com

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      Thank you so much, Ivie! You’re really touching my heart with your words <33

      *headdesks* My tech issues have been stealing my sleep, to be honest 😛 I don't know how I fixed it, but...I'm not going to touch anything so it doesn't break again XD

  • Reply
    Micaiah
    October 14, 2017 at 12:57 pm

    Wow. Just… Wow. I really need this, because lately, I’ve been feeling ALL OF THE WRITERLY INSECURITIES. Like, my writing will make ZERO difference and it’s not good enough and all of that…. But if I’m a little pencil in God’s hand, who knows? Thanks for this post, Audrey. =)

    Micaiah @ Notebooks and Novels

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      It IS making a difference — and if it’s not already, it WILL. God made you a writer for a reason, and as long as you don’t give up, you’re going to keep being an amazing pencil in His hand <33

      EEEP THANK YOU MICAIAH 😀

  • Reply
    Mary Kate
    October 14, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    This is a beautiful post.

    By the way I nominated you for the Liebester award
    https://sarcasticscribblings.blogspot.com/2017/10/liebester-award-2017.html

    MK

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      I’m glad you liked it 😀

      Awesome! Thank you so much; I’ll definitely go check it out.

  • Reply
    Marilyn
    October 14, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    Thank you for this beautiful post. Continued success in your writing.
    Marilyn

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      Thank you, Marilyn <33

  • Reply
    Melissa @ Quill Pen Writer
    October 15, 2017 at 4:46 am

    This is a gorgeous post! You’ve definitely given me something to think about, thank you. <3

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:13 pm

      Thank you, Melissa! 😀

  • Reply
    Jane Maree
    October 15, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    Wow this was so good, Audrey. Such a good reminder.

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:14 pm

      Thanks, Jane! <3

  • Reply
    Catherine
    October 15, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    Oh me gracious, Audrey!!! This post was so deep! I truly do aspire to be God’s pencil. Though lately, I’ve terribly dull…

    Catherine

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 16, 2017 at 4:16 pm

      Thank you, Catherine!

      The great Author can always sharpen you. I pray that you find rest and strength in Him <3

  • Reply
    Hannah White
    October 17, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    This is so lovely and beautiful and just asdkjfhsdfsdkjfa. I’ve been thinking about this exact same thing a lot lately, actually. I’ve really been struggling to finish the second draft of my WIP before nano but I wasn’t sure how the climax was going to happen. And I was so frustrated with it and pleading with God to show me how the story needed to go. But I finally broke through it, and I’m still trying to lean on Him and listen for His direction. 🙂

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 23, 2017 at 9:00 am

      Thank you, Hannah! <33333

      I hope that goes well for you! Sometimes it feels like we're writing blind, like we know where we're going but have no idea how to get there, so we just have to trust him 🙂

  • Reply
    Carol
    October 27, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    hi, Audrey! I just discovered your blog and I absolutely love it! <33 I'm a Christian, bookworm, and writer too. :)) I loved reading this post. keep it up!! xoxo

    • Reply
      Audrey Caylin
      October 30, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      Hi, Carol! Welcome 😀

      Thank you so much! It’s awesome to meet you <3

      • Reply
        Carol
        October 30, 2017 at 8:58 pm

        awesome to meet you too! :))

    Let's chat!

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